Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
