a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
