Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
