...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
