Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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