you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
