eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
