I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
