Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
