Whod you bang
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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