Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize