Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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