Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
