I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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