dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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