Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
