we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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