if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize