how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize