I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
