She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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