On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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