Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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