everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize