before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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