but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize