overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
