I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
