Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and she was petting her beer can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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