Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ttyl tear gas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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