I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
