Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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