kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
