nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
