why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
