ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
