Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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