She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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