I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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