guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
