I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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