I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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