Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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