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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.

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• (914): View more from New York

  i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts

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• (360): View more from Washington

  WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Waffles and pussy, what else is there?

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November

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• (239): View more from Florida

  You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?

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• (818): View more from California

  I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?

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