We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
