Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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