Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
