Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
