He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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