If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
MIDGETS
????
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
