omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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