Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
