What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
