i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
