Kiss
Puke
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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