im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have tasted many bathrooms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
