Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
