Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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