FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
