The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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