Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
