omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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