The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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