Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
