living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
