Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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