I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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