Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize