if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
