Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
