my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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