We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
