i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
