Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
