Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
