well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
